SUBMITTED BY flikchik
November 10, 2003 — Captain "Lucky" Jack Aubrey (Russell Crowe) has been instructed to find and destroy French ships - England is at war with Napoleon. But before he knows a grog fly from a dough weevil this huge phantom Frenchie ship comes up from behind and attacks. The ship out guns and out mans his "girl" the H.M.S. Surprise by something like four to one
The battle and chase begins.
The problem with this visually stunning film, in my opinion, is none of the characters are developed. It's the feared and dreaded 1-2-3 battle, 1-2-3 battle. It's as if you're watching a multi-million dollar game of Risk come to life. The film does stop the cannon fire, briefly, only to serve up canned dialog 'tween shipmates and a quicky glimpse into the strong bond between the winking Capt. Jack and the brilliant Doctor Stephen Maturin (Paul Bettany) who begs his driven captain to take a respite (as do we by this point) and gather specimens in the exotic Galapagos isles... But before you can recite a bar of 'Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of' we are all back in battle.
Yep ye landlubbin' scrub it's gots itself all the pomp and stance of a real gritty sea epicthough to use the word "epic" - which conjures up delightful images of say Lawrence of Arabia or something truly epic - may be a damnable sin. For the first hour-something of the film we watch as endless battle scenes between two ships we know nothing about frolic (loudly) in the sea.
And of course we know from the get go exactly where the tale is to lead us. So, it really is just six, err, two and half hours of watching a bunch of boys play sailor on the high seas - granted some pretty cute boys. And for those history buffs among you lured by the dream of a sweeping period piece glorifying sea worthy vessels of the Napoleanic war? Yeah, you get to see great details spring to life (thanks to William Sandell's production design) and you can practically smell the body odor and rum. But, there's nadda for story loving types. The cat and mouse maneuvers between ships seem more like a good old-fashioned ego issue with Lucky Jack then for his love of Queen and country. And the story we are served up, is annoyingly incongruent; at one point a man is flogged near death for being insubordinate while another who shoots the ship's only doctor (in a great display of moronic sportsmanship) is given the hairy eyebrow - and nothing more!
Click the link for the full read. It's very funny actually....hey not everyone is going to like it, right? |
