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| The Matrix Revolutions |
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| First Six Scenes to The Matrizzle Parodizzle |
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| POSTED Tuesday, March 01, 2005 05:33:00 AM |
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A few months ago, I quickly through together a script for a parody of the Matrix, which I shot (Some of) using a DV camera for a theatre project). The script is on my website if you care to take a look.
Anyways, fast-forward to yesterday. I decided that I want to make a great film, which requires re-working this script. It's funny, but it was rushed. So I've started re-doing it. So far, I have the first six scenes, which I am going to post here (I'm not going back through it add a bunch of codes to put italics where they go, as it'd take forever and a half, so please ignore it). I would absoltely love feedback, and I promise to try not to cry .
One last thing; I do plan on re-working the dialog. I realize that I've drawn, quite heavily, from the movie itself, and I need to sit down and re-word everything so that it conveys the same message in different words.
And so, without further ranting, I present The Matrizzle Parodizzle :
Opening
Black screen. The scrolling neon-green symbols from the Matrix begin to scroll down the screen. The symbols leave letters behind in the center screen, spelling out The Matrizzle Parodizzle. The letters come toward the screen, and dissolve. Back to black screen. A phone begins to ring. After two rings, Morpheus answers.
Scene 1
Camera opens on a small, darkened room. The only decor is a small table, upon which is a laptop, and a chair, in which Trinity is seated, on the phone.
Morpheus: Have you found him yet?
Trinity: Not yet.
Morpheus: Do you have anything for me?
Trinity opens up Yahoo! 256 messages.
Trinity: Yes and no.
Morpheus: What do you mean?
Trinity: I'll have to sift through this spam. Give me a minute.
A click is heard.
Trinity: Did you hear that?
Morpheus: Hear what?
Trinity: Hmm. Must have been my imagination.
Camera pans the outside of the police station, then cuts to inside. The Lieutenant is briefing three young rookies.
Lieutenant: We've recieved some special orders, but it looks like brass is giving the usual overhaul. 3 squads to apprehend one female subject? Horseshit. I want you three to take the lead. We'll follow behind with what they requested once we've gathered them together. You guys may be rookies, but I want to show those guys we can handle our own. We just finished tracing the call to this location. *The Lt. tosses a folder to the rookie in the middle.* Get to work.
Camera cuts back to Trinity, still on the phone. She's deleting the last email.
Trinity: Nothing.
Morpheus: *Frustrated sigh* Not good. Cancel my account.
Trinity: Right away. It will take a few minutes.
Camera to two squad cars pulling up to an old building. Ground-shot shows the door open, and a shoe hit the ground. Camera to aerial view of a door, inside. The door is kicked in, and the three rookies rush in.
Camera back to Trinity, who has just finished closing the account.
Trinity: Finished. I'm going to go ahead and take the next shift.
Morpheus: That's Cypher's shift.
Trinity: I know.
Morpheus: *Sighs* Alright. Call in if there are any developments.
Trinity hangs up the phone. Camera cuts to outside the room, where the rookies are conversing.
Rookie I: Alright, here we are. On three. One...two...
Rookie II: Wait a minute. We'll need some codenames.
Rookie III: Oh yeah!
Rookie I: What? Why?
Rookie II: Well, you know, in case we need to radio each other.
Rookie I: But...ok, fine, whatever. What do you want to be?
Rookie II: I want to be...oh! I had it and I lost it. What was that truck in Kill Bill called? The one she stole?
Rookie III: My mom never let me watch that...
Rookie II: Oh yeah! The Pu-
Rookie I: *Putting his hand over Rookie II's mouth* Not in front of him. *Gestures toward Rookie III.*
Rookie III: I want to be 'Bob'.
Rookie II: But your real name is Bob...
Bob: Exactly!
Rookie II: Exactly what?
Rookie I: Can we hurry up here?
Rookie II: Fine. Call me...Lampshade.
Rookie I: Alright, let's go.
Lampshade: Wait! What about you?
Rookie I: Do I have to?
Lampshade: Oh, come on!
Rookie I: Fine, fine. Call me...HoneyBadger. Now, can we please get going?
Camera cuts back to Trinity, showing her from behind. We hear a crash, and the camera turns to see HoneyBadger,Lampshade, andBob burst into the room. HoneyBadger and Lampshade approach Trinity, guns raised. Bob sort of wonders in, looking around.
Honeybadger: Freeze! Hands on your head!
Trinity slowly rises, hands on her head. The camera cuts to outside, where the Lieutenant is watching a black car pull up. Agent Smith steps out, followed by Agent Brown and Agent Jones.
Agent Smith: Lieutenant...
Lt. : ...oh ****.
Agent Smith: You were given specific orders.
Lt. : Hey, I'm just doing my job.
Agent Smith: The orders were for your protection.
Lt. : I think we can handle one little girl. I sent in three men; they're bringing her down now.
Agent Smith: No, Lieutenant, your men are alread dead.
Scene 2
Camera back to Trinity, who is being approached by HoneyBadger. He has a gun in one hand, with the other outstretched holding handcuffs. In the instant the handcuffs begin to make contact with Trinity, she whips around, throws him off balance, grabs his handgun, and shoots him. Lampshade rushes to his side, while Bob notices that something is going on. Trinity runs toward him, jumps into the air, twirls in slow motion while drawing a cookie from her pocket, lands, and throws it to Bob. Bob's face lights up, and he happily munches on the cookie.
Camera goes to Lampshade kneeling by HoneyBadger's side. Trinity can be seen rushing off in the background.
HoneyBadger: Lampshade...
Lampshade: It's going to be ok, HoneyBadger. I promise.
HoneyBadger goes limp.
Lampshade: HoneyBadger? *Shouting, looking toward the heavens* HONEYBADGER!
Unable to handle the death of his companion, Lampshade pulls out his gun, points it at his head, and pulls the trigger. His body begins to slump toward HoneyBadger, with his face headed toward his crotch. Lampshade jerks slightly at that, pausing, and then continues his decent in a different dirrection.
Camera cuts back to Trinity who runs a round a corner, then stops, leaning against a wall. She takes a quick peek back the way she came to make sure she wasn't followed, then pulls out a cell phone.
Trinity: Morpheus! The line was traced. I don't know how.
Morpheus: I know. They've cut the hard line. You're going to have to find another exit.
Trinity: Are there any agents?
Morpheus: Yes.
Trinity: Damn it.
Morpheus: Focus, Trinity. There's a phone at Wells and Lake. You can make it.
Trinity hangs up the cell phone, and begins running toward a nearby door. As she draws near, the door opens, revealing Agent Brown and some random cops, all of whom begin rushing toward her. She turns around and begins sprinting off. They follow her, and she rushes out a set of large doors, which lead her outside. They all run across a street, and into a park. Trinity makes a tiny jump over a rocking-horse, which her pursuers make as well. Next, Trinity leaps over a sandbox, which Agent Brown and the cops jump over, too (Save one cop, who trips into it). Lastly, Trinity runs up a slide, onto the main 'building' of the playground, and leaps off of it, sailing through the air until she lands on the top beam of a swing-set, which she expertly runs across, sliding down a pole on the far end. Agent Brown duplicates the move. The cops stop in their tracks, looks of disbelief contort their faces.
Cop I: That's impossible.
Trinity makes a mad dash for the opposite side of the park, while the Agent fires at her. She evades him, and ends up running down another street. She stops, 20 feet short of a phonebooth, her destination. A little boy on a scooter, wearing a blue hat, rides by her. A weird sound is heard a few seconds after he exits the frame, and the camera cuts to Agent Smith, casting aside a blue hat, and picking up the scooter off the ground. Trinity is on one side of the phonebooth, and he is on the other. The phone begins to ring. They both make a mad dash for it, and Trinity arrives first. She picks up the phone, looks at Smith, and places her hand on the glass.
Camera cuts to a shot behind Agent Smith right as he smashes into the booth, causing no damage to it, but slamming his body up into it. When he gets up, Trinity is gone. Agent Brown and Agent Jones appear at his sides.
Agent Brown: She got out.
Agent Smith: No ****, sherlock.
Agent Jones: No matter. We have the name of their next target...
Agent Brown: The name is Neo
Agent Smith: We'll need a search running...
Agent Jones: It has already begun.
Scene 3
Camera pans a small, cluttered desk, on which a search is running on 'Morpheus'. Several screenshots from the Matrix are visible. Neo lays asleep, the headphones on his ears plugged into his computer. Suddenly, an IM pops up on his screen, and the loud accompanying noise startles Neo awake. He throws his headphones off with a mumbled curse, and the looks at his screen.
TrinityGiggles: Wake up, Neo.
Neo: Whoa.
TrinityGiggles: The Matrix has you.
Neo: What the hell? *Neo presses ctrl+x to escape, to no effect.*
TrinityGiggles: Follow the white rabbit...
Neo: Follow the white rabbit? *He presses 'esc'a few times, again to no effect.*
TrinityGiggles: Knock knock, Neo.
There is a loud knock at his door. Neo gives a little jump and looks toward his door. When he looks back at the screen, the IM is gone.
Neo:...who is it?
Choi: It's Choi.
Neo: Yeah....yeah.
Neo goes to the door, cracking it open. Choi, DuJour, and some other people stand there.
Neo: You're two hours late.
Choi: I know. It's her fault. *Motions toward DuJour*
Neo: You got the money?
Choi: Two grand.
Neo: Hold on.
Neo shuts the door, opens a book, and takes out a CD-Rom. He opens the door fully, and hands the CD to Choi.
Choi: Hallelujah. You're my saviour, man.
Camera cuts to the back people, who whisper to each other.
Man I: *Whispering to Man II* What's on that anyway?
Man II: *Whispering back* Porn.
Man I: Oooh.
Camera cuts back.
Choi: You alright man? You look a little whiter than usual.
Neo: My computer... Do you ever get the feeling where you can't tell if you're awake or still dreaming?
Choi: Mm, all the time. It's called Mescaline. It's the only way to fly. Hey, it sounds to me like you just need to unplug, man. get some R and R. What do you think DuJour, should we take him with us?
DuJour: *Looks Neo up and down* Definately.
Neo: No, I can't. I've got work tomorrow.
DuJour: C'mon, it'll be fun. We're going to PetCo to buy some bunny food for the pet I just bought. *Proudly shows Neo a cage with a white rabbit in it. Neo looks at it strangely.*
Neo: Yeah, sure. I'll go.
Camera pans across several aisles at PetCo, eventually comig to Neo, who is standing there, looking up and around with a puzzled expression on his face. It's obvious the reason for it is that the intercom is playing Rob Zombie. From behind him approaches a woman, recognizable as Trinity. Neo hears her appraoch, and turns to face her.
Trinity: Hello, Neo.
Neo: How do you know that name?
Trinity: I know a lot about you.
Neo: Who are you?
Trinity: My name is Trinity.
Neo: Trinity. The Trinity? That cracked the IRS d-base?
Trinity: That was a long time ago. Look, I brought you here to warn you.
Neo:Warn me?
Trinity: Please just listen, Neo. *Steps closer to him, speaking into his ear* I know why you're here, Neo. *Camera swings right, blurring into a shot of the IM saying 'Follow the white Rabbit.'* I know what you've been doing. *Camera blurs from IM to a shot of Neo sleeping at the desk* I know why you hardly sleep, *Camera blurs to Neo opening a box of NoDoze* why you live alone,*Camera blurs to Neo sitting on the couch, while a girl with a suitcase storms off behind him, then blurs back to Trinity, still speaking into Neo's ear* and why night after night, you sit at your computer. You're looking for him. I know, because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him, I was looking for an answer. It's the question the drives us, Neo. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did...
Neo: Uh, why are you following me?
Trinity: ...no.
Neo: Why are you wearing leather in a pet store?
Trinity replies with a vexxed silence.
Neo: *Suddenly catching on* What is the Matrix?!
Trinity: *Mumbles: Finally* The answer is out there Neo. It's looking for you...and it will find you, if you want it to.
Scene 4
Neo is abrubtly awoken by his alarm clock. He rolls out of his bed (And out of the shot, as the camera stays stationary.)
Neo: Damnit!
Neo's arm is seen reaching up onto the nightstand, feeling for the alarm clock. He grabs it, and looks at it.
Neo: Damnit twice!
Camera cuts to Neo in an office, wearing a suit.
Rhineheart: You have a problem with authority, Mr. Anderson. You believe that you are special, that somehow the rules do not apply to you. Obviously, you are mistaken. Now either you choose to be at your desk on time, or you chose to find yourself another job. Do I make myself perfectly clear?
Neo: Yes, Mr. Rhineheart, perfectly clear.
Camera cuts to Neo sitting at his cubicle. He's doing something on his computer, but his body obscures the screen. He can be heard muttering. A man approaches from behind.
Man: Are you Thomas Anderson?
Neo: That's me.
Man: Could you sign for this?
Neo starts to sign, then suddenly stops, actually looking at what he's signing. It's a blank check. The man gives a sheepish grin.
Man: Worth a shot...
He hands the package to Neo and leaves. Neo opens it, and out slides a cell phone. It immediately begins to ring.
Neo: Whoa.
Neo answers it.
Neo: Hello?
Morpheus: Hello, Neo. Do you know who this is?
Camera swings in dramatically.
Neo: Dad?
Morpheus: No, Neo.
Camera backs off as Morpheus answers. Neo thinks a moment, then begins to speak. The camera, again swings in dramatically.
Neo: Pizza Hut?
Morpheus: Come on, Neo, I called you for christ's sake!
Neo: Umm...
Morpheus: Okay, we're short on time, so let's skip this part, Neo. This is Morpheus-
Neo: Morpheus! I was so close...
Morpheus: Neo, listen! They're coming for you, and I don't know what they're going to do.
Neo: Who is?
Morpheus: Look for yourself. By the elevator. Slowly; don't draw too much attention to yourself.
Neo stealthily climbs onto his desk, and peers over the edge of his cubicle. He alights on Agent Smith,
Agent Brown, and Agent Jones who are being directed toward him by some lady, and they turn, in unison, toward Neo.
Neo:Holy ****!
Neo panics, falling backwards off the desk. Morpheus continues to talk while Neo lays on his back.
Morpheus: Yes.
Neo: What the hell do they want from me?
Morpheus: I don't know, but if you don't want to find out, I suggest you get out of there.
Neo: How?
Morpheus: I can guide you, but you must do exactly as I say.
Neo: Okay...
Morpheus: Morpheus says, the cubicle across from you is empty. Go now.
Neo lunges across the hall, diving into the opposite cubicle seconds before the agents round the corner. They look back and forth for a moment, then leave.
Morpheus: When Morpheus says, go to the end of the row, to the office at the end of the hall. Stay as low as you can... Morpheus says, go now!
Neo dashes out of the cubicle, crouched, and moves through a series of twists and turns, until he comes to the office. He closes the door behind him.
Morpheus: Now outside there is a scaffold.
Neo: How do you know all this?
Morpheus: We don't have time, Neo. To your left is a window. Go to it...open it.
Neo rushes toward the window, but stops because he hears Morpheus laughing.
Morpheus: *Laughing* Morpheus didn't say!
Neo: This is insane! I'm not going to play these games!
Neo hangs up, angry. He opens the door of the office. Camera cuts to outside, where the agents have Neo in custody, and are seating him into a car. Trinity sits on a motorcycle in front of the car, watching them in her mirror.
Trinity: ****.
Trinity revs her bike and speeds off.
Scene 5
Neo is in a small, non-descript room. Agent Smith enters the room, followed by Agent Brown and Agent Jones. Agent Smith seats himself in the chair directly opposite Neo while the other two agents stand to either side. Agent Smith sets down a binder on the table, and begins to leaf through it. The pages are pop-up, and after a few moments of amusement, he mumbles, "That darn Peter Rabbit...". Remembering the task at hand, he closes the binder, and begins to address Neo.
Agent Smith: As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr. Anderson. It seems you have been living...two lives. In one life, you are Thomas A. Anderson, program writer for a respectable software company...you have a social security number, you pay your taxes, and you...help your landlady take out her garbage. However, it seems you've been letting yourself slip, Mr. Anderson, letting yourself go. Arriving late to work, making conspicuous shadow puppets -
Neo realizes he's making shadow puppets at that very moment, and quickly stops.
Agent Smith: - and - *Motions to Jones and Brown, who prop Neo's feet up on the table, then pull his pant legs up a bit* Unmatching socks, Mr. Anderson? For shame. We can only assume these transgressions stem from your other life; a life lived in computers, where you go by the hacker alias 'Neo', and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for. One of these lives has a future...the other does not. I'm going to be as forthcoming as possible, Mr. Anderson. You're here because we need your help. We know that you've been contacted by a certain individual, a man who calls himself...Morpheus. Now, whatever you think you know about this man is irrelevant. He is considered by many authorities to be the most dangerous man alive. My colleagues believe that I am wasting my time with you, but I believe you wish to do the right thing. We're willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. And all we're asking for in return is your co-operation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.
Neo: Wow, that sounds like a really good deal. But I think I've got a better one. How about....I give you the finger...
Neo puts his pinky to his mouth, like Dr. Evil
Neo: ...and you give me my phone call.
Agent Smith: Mr. Anderson, you disappoint me.
Neo: You can't scare me with this Gestapo crap. I know my rights. I want my phone call.
Agent Smith: And tell me Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call...if you're unable to speak?
Neo looks at Jones unnerved, wondering what Smith is talking about. Suddenly, Agent Smith leaps forward, pressing a strip of duct tape to Neo's mouth.
Agent Smith: That's right, Mr. Anderson, impenetrable duct tape!
Jones and Brown grab Neo and slam him down into the table. Smith pulls a small, meatlic case out of his jacket pocket. He opens it in front of Neo, revealing a bag of gummi worms. Neo is visibly terrified, and begins struggling anew.
Smith is still grinning as he lazily trys to open the bag. It doesn't open. His smile disappears, and he puts more effort into it. Try as he may, the bag still won't open. He motions to Jones who lets go of Neo, and goes over to aid Smith. Even through their combined effort, the bag still remains firmly closed. Brown lets go of Neo and goes over to help, followed by Neo who gets up to help, too. Finally, with all of them pulling in different dirrections, the bag explodes, and worms rain down around them. They stand around, congratulating each other for a moment. Suddenly everyone realizes Neo is free, including Neo himself, and the agents throw him onto the table once more.
Smith plucks a lone gummi worm from the ground, approaching Neo. He speaks as Brown removes the tape from Neo's mouth.
Agent Smith: You're going to help us, Mr. Anderson, whether you want to, or not.
With that, Smith force-feeds Neo the worm, which he happily chews, making yummy noises. Camera cuts to
Neo asleep in his bed, still making yummy noises. The phone rings, waking him up.
Neo: Hello?
Morpheus: This line is tapped, so I must be brief. They got to you first, but they've underestimated your importance. Go to the Adam's Street bridge.
Neo: Wait, I thought you said this line was tapped.
Morpheus: Yes, so?
Neo: So what if someone goes there to intercept one of us?
Morpheus: They won't. *Hangs up*
Neo rolls his eyes as he hangs up the phone.
Scene 6
Camera pans down, showing Neo standing under a bridge. A car pulls up next to him, and the door opens, revealing
Trinity in the back seat.
Trinity: Get in.
Neo climbs inside, leans over and kisses Trinity. She kisses back for a moment, then pushes him away.
Trinity: What the hell are you doing?!
Neo: *Slightly abashed* Sorry. Backseat...habit...
As Neo pulls back from Trinity, he faces front in time to see Switch point a gun at him.
Neo: Hey, it was just a kiss! No need to get trigger happy.
Trinity: It's necessary, Neo. For our protection.
Neo: From what?
Trinity: From you.
Switch: Take off your shirt.
Neo: Whoa. Half a second ago, you were getting jealous over me kissing your girlfriend, and now you want me to strip?
Switch: Stop the car. Listen to me, Coppertop. We don't have time for your 'clever quips'. Right now, there's only one rule - our way, or the highway.
Neo: Fine. Let's just get going.
Apoc begins driving the car.
Trinity: Apoc, lights. *She turns to Neo* Lie back, lift up your shirt.
Trinity picks a large mechanical device up from the floor, and places it on Neo's stomach.
Neo: What is that thing?
Trinity: We think you're bugged...try and relax...
Trinity maneuvers it around on Neo's stomach.
Switch: It's on the move. You're going to lose it.
Trinity: No I'm not...clear!
Trinity presses a button and electricity runs through Neo. He begins to cough, then coughs up an unchewed gummi worm.
Neo: Jesus Christ! That thing's real?!
Trinity grabs the worm and throws it out the window.
They arrive at the hotel, and Trinity leads Neo to a door. Before opening it, she turns to
Neo.
Trinity: Guess what! I just lowered my cholesterol. *Opens the door* Follow me.
Neo follows Trinity into the room. Standing by a window is Morpheus. He turns to greet
Neo.
Morpheus: At last. Welcome, Neo. As you have no doubt guessed...no, I take that back. You're a terrible guesser. I'm Morpheus.
Neo: It's an honor to meet you, sir.
Morpheus: No, the honor is mine... Please, come, sit.
Neo plops down on a plush armchair.
Morpheus: I imagine that right now, you're feeling a bit like Alice...
Neo: ...?
Morpheus: Tumbling down the rabbit hole? Hmmm?
Neo:You...could say that.
Morpheus: I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees, because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, this is not far from the truth... Do you believe in Fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why?
Neo: Becuase I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know exactly what you mean. Now, do you know why you're here?
Neo: ...The Matrix?
Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is?
Neo: This'd be a pretty boring movie if I didn't.
Morpheus: The Matrix is all around us. It is everything, and it is nothing. You can see it before you go to sleep. When you search online. You can feel it when you go to the store. Taste it, when your lonely.
Neo: The Matrix is porn!
Morpheus: No, Neo. The Matrix is much more. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is-
Neo: But, you just told me what the Matrix is...
Morpheus: No, I outlined a series of mysterious points to help prepare you for what is to come. *Takes out a small case, containing a red pill and a blue pill* Now, this is your final chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends. You'll grow old and impotent, and no one will like you. Ever. If you take the red pill, the adventure continues, and you see how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Neo slowly reaches for the blue pill. As his hand draws near, Morpheus begins to slowly pull his hand away.
Neo chases after it for a few moments, sighs, and grabs the red pill, swallowing it.
Morpheus motions for Neo to follow him, and together they enter an adjoining room. The room is full of contraptions, and Neo is seated in a chair.
Morpheus:The pill you took was part of a trace program. It is designed to disrupt your input/outut carrier signal so that we can pinpoint your location.
Neo nods and looks around. He alights on a computer screen next to him. On it is a bad review of The Matrix:Reloaded. Strangely, the screen begins to waver, and the review begins to coalesce into a great review of the movie.
Neo: Did you...
Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference, between the dream world...and the real world...?
Neo reaches out and touches the computer monitor. It wobbles and shimmers, and as he retracts his hand, part of it snaps onto him. It begins crawling up his arm. He squirms in his chair. The others work around him, attempting to secure a lock on him. Morpheus pulls out a cell, calling Tank. Finally, Apoc speaks.
Apoc: LOCK! I've got him.
Morpheus: Now, Tank, now!
The camera dives into Neo's mouth as he screams, and the scream itself dissolve into a bizzare internet-connecting sounding noise.
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