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| War of the Worlds |
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| Dear Alein High Council!!! |
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| POSTED Monday , July 04, 2005 05:02:28 PM |
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Dear Alien High Council President,
I am a lowly pilot that was deployed to "Earth" via the lightning to get rid of the humans.
However, I found that my deadliest ray guns failed on cotton clothing, but surprisingly melted steel and humans with high accuracy. Despite being bullet-resistant, I think our tentacles should be made axe-proof. Just a few more points, sir.
Also, we seem to have some difficulties with our human suction device, as a few people apparently figured out a way to defeat one, by simply "holding on" to each other. I propose we execute humans on mass instead of individually killing them with our mightiest "anal probing tentacles."
Also, I request we re-calibrate our targeting mechanisms as one human easily seemed to dodge every single death ray at him.
Perhaps we should also make our 120 feet tripod walkers outpace a 2-legged 6-foot tall human. We seem to have great difficulty catching people.
From captured earthlings, weve found these creatures have a procedure called "Vaccination". It seems they use this "Vaccination, before sending earthlings to war. I highly recommend we assimilate these procedures before we are sent to war, again.
I also recommend, we stop the practice of our sickened soldiers coughing on every other soldier, because apparently we all got sick at the SAME EXACT time and shut down, simultaneously.
I hope this letter reaches you, High Council President.
P.S. - Please, re-configure our shields so that it suddenly doesn't turn off when the pilot gets ill.
Yours dearly,
Alien # 135-SZ35.
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| REPLIED Monday , July 04, 2005 05:13:54 PM |
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| REPLIED Monday , July 04, 2005 05:14:38 PM |
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| REPLIED Monday , July 04, 2005 05:28:57 PM |
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| REPLIED Monday , July 04, 2005 06:09:48 PM |
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Lighttman said:
Dear Alien High Council President,
I am a lowly pilot that was deployed to "Earth" via the lightning to get rid of the humans.
However, I found that my deadliest ray guns failed on cotton clothing, but surprisingly melted steel and humans with high accuracy. Despite being bullet-resistant, I think our tentacles should be made axe-proof. Just a few more points, sir.
Also, we seem to have some difficulties with our human suction device, as a few people apparently figured out a way to defeat one, by simply "holding on" to each other. I propose we execute humans on mass instead of individually killing them with our mightiest "anal probing tentacles."
Also, I request we re-calibrate our targeting mechanisms as one human easily seemed to dodge every single death ray at him.
Perhaps we should also make our 120 feet tripod walkers outpace a 2-legged 6-foot tall human. We seem to have great difficulty catching people.
From captured earthlings, weve found these creatures have a procedure called "Vaccination". It seems they use this "Vaccination, before sending earthlings to war. I highly recommend we assimilate these procedures before we are sent to war, again.
I also recommend, we stop the practice of our sickened soldiers coughing on every other soldier, because apparently we all got sick at the SAME EXACT time and shut down, simultaneously.
I hope this letter reaches you, High Council President.
P.S. - Please, re-configure our shields so that it suddenly doesn't turn off when the pilot gets ill.
Yours dearly,
Alien # 135-SZ35.
Its exactly as Emperor Omega said. Its all because they didn't think they had to bother. Do you expect to die when you eat meat or step on insects?
As for the not hitting one guy, if you actually watch the movie rather then pretend that your far more superior than Spielberg you'll notice that every shot with the heat ray hits someone dead on. Ray is not looked at as the main character of a movie by the aliens, he's one of the lucky ones that escape a random attack on humans. The aliens see him as they see everyone else, so whos to say all guns aimed at Ray then the guy next to him then then that mechanic. Do you look at several ants say thats the one that is the protagonist of a movie and step on it? Of course not. This movie is about a family that survived the entire attack, just like many others did, not the story of a guy who died in the first appearance of a tripod.
I'm sure you didn't complain when all the characters introduced in Saving Private Ryan weren't killed on D-day, I mean how could the Nazis miss them? Oh wait because there were other people too
Oh snap!! This thread just got served
"what I seen, what I touched, what I felt, what I prodded, was real."
- Tom Biscardi, the "REAL" Bigfraud retard, at the press conference days before claiming he wasn't in on the hoax
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| REPLIED Monday , July 04, 2005 06:43:49 PM |
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| REPLIED Monday , July 04, 2005 08:14:54 PM |
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| REPLIED Monday , July 04, 2005 08:30:04 PM |
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| REPLIED Tuesday, July 05, 2005 04:49:35 AM |
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| REPLIED Thursday, July 14, 2005 02:05:51 PM |
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Well and humorously written. Cheers!
Lighttman said:
Dear Alien High Council President,
I am a lowly pilot that was deployed to "Earth" via the lightning to get rid of the humans.
However, I found that my deadliest ray guns failed on cotton clothing, but surprisingly melted steel and humans with high accuracy. Despite being bullet-resistant, I think our tentacles should be made axe-proof. Just a few more points, sir.
Also, we seem to have some difficulties with our human suction device, as a few people apparently figured out a way to defeat one, by simply "holding on" to each other. I propose we execute humans on mass instead of individually killing them with our mightiest "anal probing tentacles."
Also, I request we re-calibrate our targeting mechanisms as one human easily seemed to dodge every single death ray at him.
Perhaps we should also make our 120 feet tripod walkers outpace a 2-legged 6-foot tall human. We seem to have great difficulty catching people.
From captured earthlings, weve found these creatures have a procedure called "Vaccination". It seems they use this "Vaccination, before sending earthlings to war. I highly recommend we assimilate these procedures before we are sent to war, again.
I also recommend, we stop the practice of our sickened soldiers coughing on every other soldier, because apparently we all got sick at the SAME EXACT time and shut down, simultaneously.
I hope this letter reaches you, High Council President.
P.S. - Please, re-configure our shields so that it suddenly doesn't turn off when the pilot gets ill.
Yours dearly,
Alien # 135-SZ35.
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Edit Reply w/Quote
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| REPLIED Thursday, July 14, 2005 04:27:26 PM |
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| REPLIED Thursday, July 14, 2005 06:28:28 PM |
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| REPLIED Friday , July 15, 2005 03:39:07 AM |
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| REPLIED Friday , July 15, 2005 07:08:30 AM |
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