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| POSTED Monday , July 25, 2005 06:08:44 AM |
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| I wanted to like this movie. I keep hoping that there will be another good Crow movie someday. But if there ever will be some year. This is NOT that year. BEFORE I rented this incompetent piece of crap, I read a few quite scathing reviews of it. But I gave it a chance. Why? Well, be prepared, there's OODLES of spoilers ahead... Though I hope its more like an attempt to save people and do my part for the betterment of mankind. First, I was HOPING it would be worth watching. Second, perhaps it would tread upon the ground of GREAT CRAP!! But this movie is so incoherently BAD that it causes one to feel as if it is sucking the very brain matter from your cranium!! The opening prologue... LESS THAN A MINUTE IN TO IT begins stating that the town has.. "CLOSED THE TOXIC MINE TO OPEN A RESORT CASINO." !!!! WTF!!!??? We are then brought to a "protest" of the outraged townspeople... the protest consists of about 8 people. And when they get into a fight with the whole TEN workers that are there.... it's heard over the radio that a RIOT has broken out!! LOL A LAUGH RIOT PERHAPS!! We are then introduced to the Four Horseman... which in concept and theory is , well... not too bad. But when I say introduced... I mean just that. Very remeniscent of Rundown when they give a brief character profile... here we get introduced to FAMINE... Famine, who's objective is apparently (CUE THE DRAMATIC MUSIC) REVENGE, is apparently currently working as a Fry Cook!!(I'M NOT KIDDING!!) We are led to believe that these characters (the horseman) have true legitimate reasons to be participating in the impending revolt that Death(David Boreanaz) is about to incur... but they don't even ATTEMPT to dive into that. The 5 second profiles is the closest thing we get to as motives other than a couple of random comments spat out during a drugged out hallucinogenic brooding party ( And I just spiced that scene up HEAVILY with the adjectives there.... its really not very gripping or interesting). Now, is anyone still with me? It really isn't even as good as I've stated (LOL) I haven't even gotten to little John Connor yet. AND I DO MEAN LITTLE!!! David Boreanaz is a pretty big guy. Well, I don't know his stats, but lil Eddie makes him look MASSIVE!! He Dwarfs him!! It's hilarious watching flashbacks knowing they're eventually going to throw down cause unless Eddie were a trained killer, I wouldn't REALLY be risking much to put everything I own INCLUDING MY SOUL on D.B. He LOOKS LIKE A CHILD!! Then there's the fact that the gang enjoy the hell out of torturing and killing Eddie and his girlfriend, yet are appalled to be a part out of shooting innocent people. Which of course makes sense since Jimmy and Luc (Eddie and David) were friends in jail.. Ya know... laugh up killing your friends or your friends friends... get all bunged up at killing strangers. Yeah... so Tara Reid who apparently is really putting her heart and soul into winning the Raspberry for this movie role, needs to cut out Eddie's g/fs eyes so she can read spells out of this book of spells... because Eddie's g/f's a Shaman. PROBLEM being, that in order to get her eyes, she needs to read a spell out of the book to get her eyes. Let me repeat that... She needs the girls eyes to read out of a spell book... and gets her eyes by reading a spell out of the book.(BEFORE SHE HAS THE EYES!!) I'm sorry... Everyone's entitled to their own opinion but I just have a HUGE difficulty understanding how ANYONE could appreciate this film. I'd say that this movie is a black mark for the franchise, but lets be honest, whether you like the sequels or not, none of them compare to the original. But for the record... I DETEST The Crow:City of Angels, and THAT MOVIE RULES comared to this garbage trash bag of a movie. Oh.. yeah, and david's and Tara's characters names are Luc Crash, and Lola Byrne.... GET IT!!?? CRASH AND BURN!!!... They even have a line DEVOTED to that "coincidence"!! GEEZUS... My how creative these writers were... they come up with those names solely for that one line!!?? OH LORD... My head hurts just thinking about this movie!!! If that wasn't enough spoilers for you... let me know.. I'll tell you more. Just DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE!!... Save your money... SAVE YOUR SANITY!!! There's much better, easier, quicker, and much more FUN ways to kill your brain cells!!
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| REPLIED Monday , July 25, 2005 06:10:27 PM |
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