SUBMITTED BY Steve Behnke

July 31, 2001 — The validity of this report is questionable, but regardless CHUD reports today that the wait may soon be over. Audiences across the globe have been frantic, wondering when the next installment in the story of a moron with a magic mask will finally come out.

Well, people of Earth, we are one step closer to the end of hunger, hate and violence - there is a new writer on board for The Mask 2.

Newcomer Lance Khazei has had responsibility for writing the sequel to the most beloved movie in history placed in his hands. Story elements are understandably under wraps, but word has it that the film will involve a person who dons a magic mask and becomes an annoying CGI character. Insiders say that hijinks may ensue.

No one else is attached to the project, including fartsmith Jim Carrey, whose current asking price for appearing in a movie is the Gross National Product of Guam.