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| Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring |
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| The Lord of the Donuts - starring The Simpsons
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| POSTED Friday , February 15, 2002 12:14:14 PM |
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Okay, so I was bored on day. And this idea popped into my head: What would the Simpsons do if they were in a LOTR-type situation? Well, I sat down and started writing. The hardest part was assembling the right cast. After that, the story flowed. I'll try to send new chapters as quickly as possible. But I can only write so much, and there are only so many hours in the day. Besides, I felt this board was lacking in some good parodies. I can only hope to equal Frodo and Sam's Excellent Adventure
This is what I do with my spare time, people! Enjoy!
Sarumann
The Lord of the Donuts: The Fellowship of the Donut
starring the Simpsons
Prologue: One Donut to Rule Them All
In the town of Springfield, in the depths of the Nuclear Power Plant, the Dark Lord Montgomery Burns created the Master Donut. In it was yummy goodness and a narcotic form of radiation, causing the Donut to glow and enthrall the eyes and stomachs of the people of Springfield. They were powerless against it, and high up in the tower of the Power Plant, many people heard the shrill cry of the Dark Lord: Eeeeexcellent.
But, a last alliance of children and parents, led by Reverend Lovejoy, marched on the Power Plant, and protested the Dark Lord and his Donut of Power. The fight got out of hand when Burns sent legions of his specially created Radiation Men to disperse the crowd. The protest turned violent as Krusty the Klown and Sideshow Bob rained fear and terror upon the Radiation Men with a deluge of cream pies and banana peels.
When victory was at hand, the Dark Lord Burns himself came out to the parking lot and unleashed his secret and most diabolical weapon: The Robotic Richard Simmons. In its rampage, the Robotic Richard Simmons knocked Reverend Lovejoy unconscious, and Sideshow Bob, armed with a banana, rushed to take out Mr. Burns. The banana was knocked out of his hand by the Robotic Richard Simmons, but he was still able to get to Burns and slap the One Donut out of his hand. Mr. Burns fell, slipped on the banana, and crashed into the power transformer controlling the Robotic Richard Simmons. It was destroyed in a large explosion, and Burns was buried in the rubble. The reign Montgomery Burns, the enemy of the people of Springfield, was at an end.
But the Donut did not fail, and its warm green glow and sugary-sweet scent ensnared Sideshow Bob, who kept the Donut for himself. But its power corrupted him, and he attempted to kill Krusty the Klown. After a long investigation, the Donut betrayed Sideshow Bob to the police, and he was arrested. But the Donut was lost. For years it sat in the sewers of Springfield and passed out of all knowledge, contaminating the water system, and making the people of Springfield fat, lazy, and stupid.
Then one day, the drunkard Barney stumbled out of Moes Tavern and fell into the sewers. As he came to with a faceful of muck, he saw the Donut glowing. The Donut of Power had found a new owner. With the Donut, Barney made a new life for himself in the sewers.
I love the pretty donut, he would say to himself. I could stare at it alllll daaaaay. Its my baby. The power of the donut made him exponentially dumber than he already was.
As time went on, rumors spread that Mr. Burns had returned to his office in the Power Plant and was rebuilding his Radiation Men army. The Donut, sensing its masters will, abandoned Barney.
Heeeeey! Barney screamed. Whered my baby go? It was here a minute ago. Did I sit on it? Wheres my baby?
But, the Donut was flushed down a toilet pipe, and found its way into the sink of the Simpson home, as Springfields sewer system was designed by chimps in hard hats. The Donut was picked up by Marge Simpson, who hid it from her donut-craving husband Homer. But, the time would soon come when the Simpsons would change the course of history.
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| REPLIED Friday , February 15, 2002 02:51:45 PM |
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Here's the next installment. Enjoy!
Sarumann
Chapter 1: Concerning Simpsons
It was a beautiful day in Springfield, and Bart Simpson sat underneath a tree, reading his latest copy of Radioactive Man. When he heard a car screech to a halt in the parking long, and the typical Doo de doo de doo, he knew that Homer, his father, had come to pick him up. He walked over to his fat, balding, and slovenly paternal figure, and gave him the typical greeting.
Youre late, Homer.
Im not late, Homer stammered. Okay, maybe I am. Get in the car, boy.
As they drove home, they talked about Marges upcoming birthday. Bart mentioned that half of Springfield had been invited to her birthday party, as she was turning twenty-five for the twentieth year in a row. She wanted a big party, and was busy getting everything together.
Shes up to something, Bart said. Shes normally not this excited about a birthday.
I wouldnt know, said Homer. Your mom doesnt tell me anything.
Homer dropped Bart off at the home of Milhouse, Barts best friend, and continued home.
Inside, Marge was busy putting up party decorations. Homer looked around at everything, and was stupefied.
Um, Marge? Homer asked. How are we going to fit everybody in our house and backyard?
Well find a way, Marge said dismissively. We squeezed the entire town into Flanders bomb shelter.
Homer could not argue with that logic. Homer could not argue with anything, thanks to hearty portions of Duff Beer.
Bart says youre up to something, Homer said. Whats going on?
Marge stopped for a second with a look in her eye that would have shown anybody else that she was indeed planning something secret. Homer, however, was not anybody, and did not notice.
Its nothing, dear, she said finally. Dont worry about it.
Homer went through his normal routine of drinking beer and eating cake. Strangely, Marge did not take notice this time.
At the home of Milhouse, Bart and Milhouse were playing their normal daily game of Radioactive Man vs. the Planet of Crazy Lepers. As the game was winding down, Bart pulled out a handful of highly illegal Snapper Cracker fireworks.
Whoa! cried Milhouse. Whered you get those?
I got friends, said Bart. He put down the Snapper Crackers and looked Milhouse in the face.
Have you noticed anything strange with my mom lately? Bart asked.
No, said Milhouse, trying to grab a Snapper Cracker.
I think it might have something to do with the strange glowing donut she has, Bart continued.
Your mom has a glowing donut? Milhouse asked. Whats that supposed to be?
I dont know, said Bart. But shes had it for years. She hides it from Homer, because hell eat it. But, she seems really protective of the cabinet she hides it in. Shes up to something.
Oh, okay, said Milhouse, finally succeeding in grabbing a Snapper Cracker from Barts hand.
He lit it and threw it against the window, which promptly exploded, shattering the window and knocking the entire wall off of the side of the house. The two boys, charred from the explosion, laughed heartily at the mess.
Milhouse, my old friend, said Bart. This will be a night to remember.
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| REPLIED Saturday, February 16, 2002 07:04:01 PM |
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| REPLIED Monday , February 18, 2002 11:37:39 AM |
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| REPLIED Monday , February 18, 2002 11:55:16 AM |
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| REPLIED Tuesday, February 19, 2002 02:14:31 AM |
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| REPLIED Tuesday, February 19, 2002 07:06:41 PM |
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Sarumann. I've had an idea for something spectacular for this post, but I need to know who you have cast as:
Merry, Pippen, Legolas, Gimli, Galadriel, Aragorn and Arwen.
email it to me at ichi@ntlworld.com
I won't say what it is but I think you'll appreciate it!!
All Peter Jackson has to decide, is what to cut in the time that is given to him
"At last the companions turned away, and never again looking back they rode slowly homewards; and they spoke no word to one another... but each had great comfort in his friends on the long grey road."
"After all it wouldn't do, would it, to give away any details of the plot of the most-read book of the twentieth century!" - Ian McKellen
ichi@countingdown.com |
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| REPLIED Tuesday, February 19, 2002 11:37:08 PM |
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Okay, folks. Here we go. I think this one's rather appropriately titled. Enjoy!
Sarumann
Chapter 3: The Quite-Ridiculous Party
It was a birthday party the likes of which Springfield had never seen. Kegs of Duff Beer flowed with an almost ceaseless fluidity. The barbecue fires blazed in all their glory as the men of Springfield attempted to break the record of charred hamburgers in one location at the same time. Mayor Quimby was present and seen with numerous prostitutes from Shelbyville. Apu came with many Squishees for the kids, while Troy McClure was signing autographs for people who had seen him at such birthday parties as Bob Fichners and The Guy Nobody Really Liked But Had a Nice House.
Marge sat with the children and told stories about her bad hair days. It was only because of Apus extra-charged Squishees that the children hung on her every last word. Though much to Homers disappointment, Ned Flanders and his family were invited to the party, and brought a tremendous birthday cake for Marge, instantly making them the hit of the party. Homer simply sat in a corner and slurped Duff Beer, his only true friend.
Behind the fence, Bart and Milhouse got ready to light off a Snapper Cracker. But, Bart heard something in the bushes behind them. Bart quickly dropped the book of matches in his hand along with the Snapper Cracker.
Did you hear something? Bart asked.
Uh, no, Milhouse replied. Come on, Bart. Are we gonna do this or what?
Bart looked around them suspiciously.
Later, he said finally. I dont feel safe right now.
He led Milhouse back to the party.
Out of the bushes stepped Ned Flanders two children, Rod and Todd. Todd, the younger of the two picked up the Snapper Cracker and the match.
What do you suppose this is for? he asked his older brother.
Its probably something that the devil would use, said Rod, the wiser of the two. Better not touch it.
As he said that, Todd struck a match, and it burst alight. The two boys were mesmerized by its warm glow. Their eyes glazed over and grew a possessed stare. Todd picked up the Snapper Cracker, and with an uncharacteristicly evil cackle, lit it with the match. Just as quickly, he dropped both the Snapper Cracker and the match. They both looked down at the burning fuse of the Snapper Cracker.
What did we do? asked Rod.
It wasnt me! said Todd.
Then who? asked Rod.
It was the devil! Todd screamed.
This was your idea! Rod retorted.
Just as Rod got the last words out of his mouth, the Snapper Cracker exploded with a force just smaller than that of a nuclear blast. A mushroom cloud rose above the party, and all of the party-goers stared at the fence, as it toppled forward, revealing a frightened Rod and Todd covered in soot. They coughed up smoke and ash.
That was good, said Rod.
Lets get another one! said Todd.
But they heard footsteps behind them. They turned to see their father Ned standing over them with the grin that never seemed to leave his face.
We-hell, little buckarinos! Ned said jovially. Looks like you went and blew the diddly-poop out of that fence.
They all were suddenly jolted by a loud scream of laughter. They all turned to see Homer on the ground, pounding it with his fists, laughing hysterically.
The Flanders kids! he said between laughs. They blew themselves up! Theyre all kablewy! BWAAAHAAAHAHAHA!
Marge groaned and placed her face in her hand. Even on her special day, her husband had still found a way to embarrass her.
Well come on, said Ned, taking the two kids with him. Lets get you cleaned up.
Bart and Milhouse discreetly slapped each other five.
As the party dragged on, and the crowd got drunker, somebody suddenly encouraged Marge to make a speech. She staggered to the front of the crowd.
Hello, everybody! she said. Thanks for coming all you Flanders, and Quimbies. Krabappels and Skinners. Bouviers, Milhouses, and Azerkabishnijens!
AzerkabishniJANS! one of Apus distant relatives corrected. Marge paid her no mind.
Today is the twentieth anniversary of my twenty fifth birthday! she cried to a large round of applause.
Sadly,-she coughed the next phrase- chem years is far too short a time to live amongst such...such...
She stammered to find the words. Such interesting people! she said finally. This brought about another large round of cheering.
I dont know that many of you as well as I should. And I like some of you but some more than I should, but not as many as there should be, but enough for it to be okay by me.
Everybody at the party exchanged a puzzled look, unsure if she had complimented them or insulted them.
As they looked at each other, Bart noticed a change in Marges expression. It was the same look on her face that she got near the cabinet that housed the mysterious donut.
Im sorry to announce that this is the end, she said suddenly. I have things to do. Im leaving.
She looked at Bart directly. Good bye.
She pulled the glowing donut out from behind her and took a bit. Immediately, she disappeared. Everybody jumped and screamed in horror. Homer watched what had happened. It all was starting to make sense to him.
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| REPLIED Wednesday, February 20, 2002 01:03:50 PM |
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| REPLIED Wednesday, February 20, 2002 01:08:22 PM |
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| REPLIED Wednesday, February 20, 2002 01:10:00 PM |
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| REPLIED Wednesday, February 20, 2002 01:14:22 PM |
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| REPLIED Wednesday, February 20, 2002 01:26:35 PM |
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| REPLIED Wednesday, February 20, 2002 02:13:22 PM |
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| REPLIED Wednesday, February 20, 2002 02:21:59 PM |
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| REPLIED Wednesday, February 20, 2002 02:28:13 PM |
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| REPLIED Wednesday, February 20, 2002 02:51:47 PM |
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| REPLIED Wednesday, February 20, 2002 11:02:03 PM |
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| REPLIED Thursday, February 21, 2002 08:39:03 PM |
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| REPLIED Thursday, February 21, 2002 08:48:10 PM |
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| REPLIED Friday , February 22, 2002 08:08:17 AM |
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| REPLIED Saturday, February 23, 2002 04:44:54 AM |
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| REPLIED Saturday, February 23, 2002 08:03:56 AM |
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| REPLIED Saturday, February 23, 2002 09:00:00 AM |
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| REPLIED Saturday, February 23, 2002 07:26:46 PM |
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| REPLIED Sunday , February 24, 2002 02:20:54 PM |
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| REPLIED Monday , February 25, 2002 05:03:09 PM |
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| REPLIED Tuesday, February 26, 2002 10:57:40 AM |
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| REPLIED Tuesday, February 26, 2002 11:53:43 AM |
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| REPLIED Tuesday, February 26, 2002 04:26:01 PM |
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| REPLIED Wednesday, February 27, 2002 06:06:41 AM |
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