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BY LARRY CARROLL
Spider-Man, Spider-Man
Does whatever a spider can
Spins a web, any size
Catches thieves, just like flies
Look out! Here comes the Spider-Man!
At the conclusion of the end credits, after most people had left the
theater, I was just beginning to stand up when I heard these lines, accompanied
by that classic, schmaltzy theme music. I had just seen Spider-Man,
the highly anticipated film debut of the legendary comic book superhero.
As I sat there in the darkness, I realized that the movie left me with
the same mixed emotions that The Phantom Menace did a few years
ago - relief to have finally seen a movie I had dreamt of for years, happiness
that it hadn't been completely screwed up, but an overriding sense of
disappointment that it was so processed, so antiseptic, so designed to
be everything to everyone that it had virtually nothing original or exciting
to it.
In the days that followed, friends were priming me for information on
the movie they were dying to see. The weird thing is, I repeatedly caught
myself subconsciously putting a positive spin on things. "When his
Spidey-sense goes off," I'd say, "they have a really cool way
of portraying it." What I wouldn't mention, however, is that we only
see it once. "Tobey Maguire is the perfect Peter Parker," I'd
profess, not mentioning that the real star, CGI Spider-Man, looks so phony
that his scenes are reminiscent of an introduction sequence in a videogame.
Why was I doing this? Why would I be less judgmental towards this film
than any other? Thinking back to that moment when I was sitting there,
listening to the conclusion of the classic Spider-Man theme song, I realized
why. The music reminded me of so many things - the cartoon show I grew
up watching reruns of, those made-for-TV movies from the late Seventies,
the comic books, the Halloween costumes, the action figures and the lunchboxes.
I thought about how much the character meant to me, how much he means
to so many generations of fans. This was the film that was supposed to
really bring him to life, to really make us believe that an ordinary man
could fly through the air and save us from the bad guys. I was trying
to force myself into believing that it had lived up to the hype.
Unfortunately, it never does. And now you've come to me, looking for
advice on whether you should plop down your hard earned ten bucks on this
flick. So I'm going to try my best to relay my thoughts without holding
anything back. Then you can judge for yourself whether you'd be willing
to overlook the things that bothered me, or whether the things I did enjoy
sound too good to miss.
The film's best moments are in the first act, as it dutifully recalls
the legend of how nerdy Peter Parker is bitten by a radioactive spider
and develops powers of super strength, agility and web crafting. During
these scenes Maguire really shines, doing a fine job of bringing humanity
and empathy to the character. Particularly enjoyable is a sequence with
Peter learning how to use his weaponry, waving his hands in the air and
trying to get the web to shoot out. These scenes are fun and creative,
and keep in spirit with the tone of the Spider-Man legend.
Like an episode of "E! True Hollywood Story", we watch all
the famous moments get recited like a laundry list, without any real time
to reflect or expand upon them. Peter gets bitten, secures a photographer
job at The Daily Bugle, pursues Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst),
takes his powers for granted, watches his own negligence result in the
death of Uncle Ben, realizes that he cannot ignore the responsibilities
that come with his new powers, and emerges as a masked, misunderstood,
wisecracking crimefighter, all in about thirty minutes.
The fact that these scenes work is more a tribute to the timelessness
of the tale crafted forty years ago by Spider-Man creators Stan Lee and
Steve Ditko than to anything having to do with this film. When you have
this great of a story to tell, Ben Stein could recite it in monotone while
you sit on a bed of nails, and you'd be captivated. The Cliff's Notes
approach employed here, however, makes your head spin. One minute Peter
has no idea how to shoot his web, and a moment later he's coasting hundreds
of feet in the air above traffic. When Uncle Ben dies, there's a brief
scene or two of Peter grieving, and then we move right along to the next
stop on the tour.
The desire to get the beginning out of the way and move on to the meat
is understandable. Director Sam Raimi would have been wiser, however,
to follow the blueprint that Richard Donner set forth with Superman
- take your time, be reverent, and lay a good, solid foundation that will
support the rest of the film (not to mention numerous sequels).
Once the rest of the film does begin, it all takes a nosedive into predictability
and mediocrity. The set design is the first thing you notice, and it's
particularly bothersome - very clean, very processed, every set looks
just like what it is - a set. Then we get a plot that's just as transparent
- bad guy tries to get good guy to team up with him, gets rebuffed, wreaks
havoc at large public gathering, kidnaps damsel in distress and has a
big fight with hero resulting in...well, I don't want to spoil it for
you.
The villain in this instance is Norman Osborn (Willem Dafoe), a scientist
who turns into a creature called the Green Goblin after an experiment
of his goes horribly wrong. Dafoe, like Maguire, does a terrific job with
his character when he's not wearing a mask. One of the most memorable
parts of the film takes place when Dafoe, standing in front of a mirror,
has a bizarre conversation with himself a la Jekyll and Hyde. Few actors
can do the wild-eyed maniac with as much skill as Dafoe can, and the Osborn
character plays to these strengths.
As Uncle Ben and Aunt May, veteran actors Cliff Robertson and Rosemary
Harris are warm and effective. The greatest bit of casting, however, comes
in the form of J.K. Simmons, who plays the fiery editor of The Daily
Bugle, J. Jonah Jameson. As anyone familiar with the comic can tell
you, Jameson is a larger-than-life, so bad he's good type of character,
like Charles Foster Kane on a bad day. J.K. Simmons and his razor-sharp
tongue are perfect for the part.
Not quite as much of a casting coup is Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane. Dunst
can be a fine actress, but she seems a little lost in all the confusion
of this film. In some scenes she's sassy, in others she's helpless; at
times she seems smart enough to know that Peter and Spidey are one and
the same, then it appears as though she has no idea. Dunst seems to base
her performance on whatever the scene needs Mary Jane to be, and by the
third or fourth time that she's dangling perilously and screaming for
help, the actress has been reduced to little more than eye candy.
What's maddening about this film is that, no matter how many flaws it
has, they are overpowered by the sheer visceral thrill of seeing the incarnation
of a hero that you've, until now, only seen in your mind's eye. There
are moments when the CGI Spider-Man is so swift and lissome in his actions
that it sends a shiver right down your spine. Spider-Man is an American
icon and, as made clear by the (intentional, perhaps) shot of him perching
atop a flagpole flying the Stars and Stripes, we need the escape into
stories of his heroism now more than ever.
It's just a shame the movie didn't do more. Two years ago, Spidey fans
were dancing in the streets when it was announced that Raimi (Darkman,
the Evil Dead movies) had been hired to direct the film. "He's
a geek like us," they seemed to say, "He'll make the type of
movie we'd make." Well, occasionally Raimi does brings something
special to the film, like in the aforementioned Spidey sense scene, that
cool shot from the trailer where Mary Jane peels back his mask and kisses
the webhead upside down, or the big battle at the end when the hero fights
with half his costume torn off. But, for the most part Raimi seems to
be trigger shy, a prisoner rather than a master of the material.
For every scene that makes your eyes open wide, there's another one that
makes you scratch your head. When Peter is wrestling, why doesn't anyone
find it odd that he's shooting spiderwebs out of his wrists? When the
whole city is trying to figure out who Spider-Man is, why doesn't the
promoter, or the wrestler, or the people in the crowd, or any of Peter's
classmates who saw him doing these strange acts of superhuman strength,
step forward? When Mary Jane is being dangled off a tram, how is she able
to continuously hang on to a razor sharp cable, supporting all her body
weight, often with one hand? With all the money they spent on this movie,
how could the Green Goblin outfit look so cheaply made? And what's up
with the absurdly gratuitous Macy Gray cameo?
The original Superman film had a very simple tagline, one that
promised "You'll Believe a Man Can Fly". The daunting task of
any comic film is to take the unbelievable and make it seem like it could
happen, to blur the lines between our world and another based in fantasy.
The best films of the genre - the first two Superman films, the
first two Batman films, The Crow, possibly even the Blade
films - succeeded at doing this. But Spider-Man fails during most
of its running time, so I would put it in a lower echelon, below those
films but certainly above such disasters as Batman & Robin,
Spawn or Supergirl. Spider-Man is in the same category
as the X-Men film from a few years back - occasionally brilliant
but mostly average, showing signs of potential for the sequels, but not
giving us much this time around.
There, I got it all out. Now you can decide for yourself whether the
problems I had with the movie would bother you too. In the meantime, I'll
be waiting and hoping that Spider-Man 2 does it right. I'll be
humming that theme song to myself, and thinking about what could have
been.
Spider-Man, Spider-Man
Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man
Wealth and fame, he's ignored
Action is his reward
To him, life is a great big bang-up
Wherever there's a hang-up
You'll find the Spider-Man!
GRADE: B-
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