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BY TIM DOYLE |
Arnold Schwarzenegger returns as the cybernetic protector of John
Connor, future leader of the human resistance against Skynet, in "Terminator
3: Rise of the Machines". This time, as an obsolete unit (and an ageing
action star), he must do battle against the well-moussed homicidal fashion plate
T-X, played by Kristanna Loken, who has been programmed to kill Connor and his
future military colleagues. At the same time, the world appears back on course
for a rendezvous with apocalypse -- and the murderous foot soldiers of Skynet.
(PS: No spoilers)
EXPECTATIONS
What I'd Heard
Fresh from another round of media convergence, Big Hollywood tries to resuscitate
once-triumphant franchise -- and conquer the world -- with a new
director, a colossal budget, and the essential ingredient (no, Jim, not you),
bigger-than-life Arnold Schwarzenegger. Relentless secrecy, enthusiastic
hubris, and bigger explosions. My favorite elements -- Jim Cameron,
Linda Hamilton and Edward Furlong -- all not on board, for various reasons.
So, knowing that this movie would probably have as much personality
as a can of motor oil, and reluctant to experience the indignity of seeing
a glorious film franchise misfire, I refused to hunt about on the Web
for the latest plot morsels. As a result, I knew almost nothing about
the story going in.
What I'd Seen
Until the stompingly good international trailer, I had held out little hope
for "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines". Topping the exhilaration
and novelty of "Terminator 2" was going to be tough in any case,
so it was thoroughly depressing to see the first teaser trot out what seemed
an introductory logo for T3 Productions (boooorrring), and then, in the first
proper trailer, just another gimmick: a Terminator with Breasts.
On the other hand, the international trailer set up the story, a race
to survive the end of the world, with far more excitement and verve than
I'd seen before. (It appears that they have since replaced the
domestic trailer on Apple Trailers with the reworked international version,
a good move on their part.) I wasn't totally depressed by the choice
of Jonathan Mostow either -- I'd loved his work in "Breakdown",
starring Kurt Russell, and "U-571" was passable.
What I Wanted
So many films suck on so many different levels, so when a movie like "Terminator
2" arrives and grabs you by the throat (in a good way), you cherish the
experience, and hope for a repeat. The last best hope for humankind -- in
the multiplex -- continues to be James Cameron, who is the king of MY
world. So, like most everyone else, I wanted James Cameron back at the helm
of the world he created. Or, at the very least, a film that stays true to the
first two films, instead of mulching up so much fan goodwill for an extra dollar
or two.
This in mind, I entered the screening room ready to be disappointed.
EXPERIENCE
What Turned Me On
Fidelity to the material
Instead of doing an "Alien3" and trying to branch off into untried,
experimental territory, the filmmakers have cranked the action to new, almost
masturbatory heights. When the T-X drives a monstrous crane through downtown
LA, taking out a street's worth of telephone poles and even the front
of an entire warehouse, it took five minutes for the grin to leave my face.
(It came back later in a moment of such stark, hilariously gratuitous violence,
I thought Paul Verhoeven had seized the reins for a moment. You'll know
it when you see it.)
The movie may not always be original, but it does bubble with inventiveness,
and the feeling of familiarity is welcome. "T3" follows the
template of its predecessor, including the obligatory nude introductory
sequences -- and searches for clothes -- of the first two movies.
It's a gut-buster when Arnie goes hunting for an outfit in a commercial
establishment where women are shouting "take it all off".
The first confrontation between the T-101 and the T-X mimics, almost
exactly, the same scene in the rear corridors of the Galleria in "T2".
And at the beginning of the movie, we have the standard future sequence
of robots attacking, except this time there are more of them.
Kristanna Loken
This newcomer is actually gives Robert Patrick a run for his money. She is
more than tough, and I have to hand it to her, she had me scared. Having the
hair pulled back in a severe bun helps. (By the way, you could cut a pretty
funny fratboy comedy about the Date from Hell using a lot of her scenes. If
Kristanna doesn't manage her career well, that movie may yet happen.)
Special Effects
Seamless, well-done, unintrusive.
Terminator Make-up
Stunning. You really believe that those Austrian cheekbones, especially when
they are poking out toward the end of the movie, were manufactured, instead
of grown. Conversely, Nick Stahl's turn on the battlements of the future
as an ageing rebel leader is ludicrous; his hair looks like the haunch fluff
of a border collie, and supermarket clerks would still card him.
What Turned Me Off
Carolco introductory logo
The traditional Carolco logo, with its distinctive music, preceded "Terminator
2" and "Total Recall". Justifiably, I have a Pavlovian response
when I see it on DVD. Why they couldn't have kept it, in modified form,
instead of this new C2 thing, is beyond me.
The music
It's not so much that it turned me off, as that it didn't turn
me on. Brad Fiedel's relentless score was a critical part of the success
of "T2" -- watch the escape from the mental institution, including
the transition from the elevator into the parking garage, to see what I mean.
There is no similar musical presence in "T3". Instead, the music
is mundane, boring, uninteresting.
Nick Stahl (John Connor)
He doesn't suck, but he doesn't have the lippy insolence or innate
toughness of Edward Furlong.
Lines Worth Repeating
Can't really fill you in on the ones I enjoyed without spoiling the movie,
but look for the moment when Kristanna Loken asks a corpse if it is Katherine
Brewster, and then answers her own question.
Fidget Factor
If you'll pardon the expression, my ass was too busy clenching in surprise,
terror and excitement to fall asleep. None of my limbs ached or grew weary,
and I didn't look at my watch once. I'm sure the waves of bass
thundering into my ribcage at regular intervals had something to do with it.
AFTERMATH
I left thinking... Kristanna Loken is Elizabeth ("Showgirls")
Berkeley, but in an alternate, more successful universe... James
Cameron had better bring out a movie soon. It's been six years,
for crying out loud. I know he's king of the world, but first
he loses "Spider-Man", and now, this. What about his public?...
Thank God I beat the July 4th rush; the multiplexes are going to be
clogged.
I left saying..."it actually didn't suck.
Bless you, Jonathan Mostow."
Expiry Date
Definitely rewatchable with a group of friends. You'll be back for more
if you enjoy stadium rock, punching the air with your fist, and nuclear explosions.
You'll also want to come back if you hated "My So-Called Life",
if only to chuckle with quiet satisfaction as Angela / Claire Danes gets thrown
around like a rag doll in the back of a truck. Now that's an episode
worth watching.
When it comes out on DVD, you'll buy it. Then
they'll release it again. And again. And then in a trilogy set.
And then a Terminator bust, with the DVD in its teeth. (When you sell
a DVD as the "Ultimate Edition", make sure it is truly the
ultimate.)
Bottom Line: Finally, a real summer movie. See it.
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